I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
