You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
