I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
