The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
