The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
