Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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