Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
