remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize