i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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