oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
