theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize