NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
