I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
