Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
