Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My balls are so social today.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
