So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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