I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
