oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
