He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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