never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
