I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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