stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
