So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
