Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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