My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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