I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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