It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
