What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
