Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Holy shit dude........stairs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
