i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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