You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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