I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
