Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
