I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
