Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
