would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
