When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize