Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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