Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
