I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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