I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
