Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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