Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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