She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your cock deserves a montage
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
