I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
