they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
