I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
