just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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