Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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