Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize