my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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