So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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