WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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