i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
