so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
