I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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