i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
