Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
