I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
