This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
