Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
