Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize