My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
