Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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