Got a toothbrush?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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